Perceptions and Illusions

So where exactly is the dividing line between joy and sorrow?

Odd question?

Maybe not as odd as you might think. Because even though joy and sorrow are considered opposites, they often exist in our hearts side by side.

Take, for example, today. I am helping one of my children move out of the house, and into the dorm.

My heart is heavy with sorrow because I fear that I might lose her. I know that once she moves out of the house our relationship will never be quite the same again, not to mention that I won't be there to protect her.

From now own, every solution she discovers for herself, every bill she pays without my help, every experience she has without my presence moves her more firmly into adulthood. And everyone knows that although most adults love their mothers, they don't really need them. (Being somewhat self-sufficient and responsible for yourself pretty much defines adulthood.)

Besides, I won't get to joke with her about her day, tease her about her hair, give her a hug right before bed.

But here is where my question comes from. Residing right beside the sorrow is that other strong emotion, joy. I can barely contain how elated I feel that she has grown to be such a wonderful, mature young woman. I rejoice in the thought that she is about to begin the journey into adulthood, where she really gets to spread her wings and find out exactly what type of person she is (which is, of course, wonderful, talented, fantastic, etc....).

So when I cannot contain my tears any longer and I break down and cry--which I know I will--where will those tears come from? Where's the line? Will they be tears of sorrow, or tears of joy?

Labels: family, life

I remember...

Being awakened in the early hours of the morning by my husband. My 15 year old daughter had woken him up because of what she had heard on the radio.

I remember...

Looking at television, horrified that a pilot had made such a terrible mistake and crashed into one of the World Trade Center buildings. My heart ached as I thought of the families of the unfortunate who were either in the plane or in the section of the building that had been hit.

I remember...

Watching the second plane crash into the World Trade Center. My first thought was that the whole scene was surreal. It had to be some kind of publicity stunt for a new movie. One plane hitting was a trajedy, two was impossible.

I remember...

The sudden realization that this was no accident, this was no stunt, this was real, and this was an attack. Innocent people going about their daily lives had been attacked and killed. In America.

I remember...

The feeling of fear. Would more attacks follow? How would I be able to keep my family safe? How could life continue?

I remember...

Hearing of the attack on the Pentagon, and of a plane going down in a field. I'll never forget the look on my husband's face as we talked about what might come, especially after the plot against our country was discovered and then publicized. Suddenly the world had became a much more dangerous place.

I remember...

Realizing that this was not a series of events that would mark a single day, this was a series of events that would change every day. It was a lonely time. It was a stressful time. It was a time I never want to relive. Many things happened then, and in the days that followed, that I would rather forget.

But I'll remember...

That I am fortunate. I can empathize with the families of those who died on September 11th, but I cannot truly feel their pain. My loved ones were safe on that eventful.

And I pledge to remember...

That it was not buildings that were attacked, it was my country. And though it took a little longer than I would have liked, America took action. I'll continue to be proud of my country. And I'll continue to be in awe of the selflessness of people like my husband and other members of the military who regularly sacrifice to protect my country.

I sincerely hope Americans always remember what it really means to the an American.

Labels: family, history, life, world

After years of listening to begging, pleading, and cajoling, my husband and I have caved.

We now have a Schnoodle. Not that it was particularly a Schnoodle that our kids were asking for, a Schnoodle is just the particular breed we chose.

What is a Schnoodle, you may ask? It is the cutest puppy in the world. Part Schnauzer, and part Poodle. She is 9 weeks old, soft, friendly, and cute.

We have had her 3 1/2 hours, and we have already taken her outside 3 times. So far, so good!

I hope we're not in over our heads!

Labels: family, life

Sometimes there are inside 'jokes' that just need to be explained.

Take for example the following conversation I heard in my house last night.

Daughter: Let's watch a movie.
Dad: I'll go for that. What do you want to watch?
Daughter: Well let's see. We have 3 Netflix movies...'4 Muskateers', 'License to Wed', and 'National Treasure: Book of Secrets'. With a sneer Who put those movies on the list?
Dad: Let's watch 'National Treasure: Book of Secrets'!
Daughter: Let's not, that would be like cracker-related-catchphrase, which has been deleted per daughter's request.

We immediately understood what she meant, but anyone outside our family hearing this conversation would be seriously confused. So let me explain what 'cracker-related-catchphrase' means to my daughter.

All of my daughters love to snack on crackers of all kinds, so we typically keep several different types in the house. The two types we keep most often are Cracker brand 1 and Cracker brand 2.

A short while ago, Cracker brand 2 started appearing on store shelves in a variety of flavors. We, of course, had to try them all.

My daughter took one bite of cracker-related-catchphrase and was immediately hooked. These crackers burst with an overabundance of flavor, so there is little wonder that they can be immediately addicting. She was so enamored with the flavor that she ate almost the entire box in one sitting (unusual for her).

She then proceeded to become very ill. She has not eaten a cracker-related-catchphrase since.

So if she says something is like cracker-related-catchphrase, she means that it is overkill. Too much of a good thing is no longer a good thing. It's just too much.

All instances that might lead to the discovery of the cracker-related-catchphrase have been deleted at the request of my daughter. There is nothing wrong with the catchphrase. She just likes to protect her privacy.

Labels: family, life

I visited Universal Studios with a few members of my family. My favorite 'ride' was the tour of the studios.

Did I see any stars? Not to my knowledge. But I must tell you that people might look different in the real world than they do on the screen. The sets certainly do!

The truly amazing thing is that we took several pictures of the sets, and they look like they do on the big screen! Our camera is just as fooled as the more expensive, professional cameras. Can I ever again trust what the camera tells me?

Probably not, now that I've seen with my own eyes how easily the camera lies (or is fooled).

I particulary liked one of the older sets. The tour guide told how one side of the street has all the windows and doors smaller than normal, while the other side has larger than normal windows and doors.

Why you ask?

They would film the men in front of the smaller than normal doors/windows, so that the men appeared larger and more masculine. The women would be filmed in front of the larger than normal doors/windows so that they would appear more dainty.

Who knew?

Labels: family, life, travel

My heart is racing, and I have to constantly tell myself to breathe. Because if I don't take a deep breath every so often I know I'll faint.

Several times today I have been so distracted that I did very stupid things, like trying to open the wrong car door with my keys, or attempting to walk through a closed door.

Why am I so anxious? What horrible event is occurring in my life that brings me to the edge of unconsciousness?

That's the sad part! No horrible event, just the natural anxiety I feel when one of my children is fortunate enough to take a trip without me.

I am such a wimp!

Labels: family